That Cold Night in Queens

   It was a Thursday night in late November of 2012. I was sitting alone on a stump in a dark church courtyard. Police cars roamed the streets around me with their blues flashing; trying to provide citizens with some sense of security. The neighborhood was in a constant state of emergency, as it had been for nearly a month now. It had only been dark for an hour or so but the streets were completely abandoned. Across the street from the church a pair of shattered shop windows seemed to stare at me like dark empty eyes. I poked at the last of my Thanksgiving dinner–a few undercooked green beans–with a disposable fork and sipped the last water from my cup. I zipped up my jacket as a cold wind blew through the empty courtyard and turned to head back into the old church, but for a moment I paused and looked around.
    In my entire life, I have never been more thankful than I was in that moment, and here is why. On that cold Thanksgiving night in 2012 I was in Queens, New York. One month earlier Super-storm Sandy had wrecked hundreds of communities along the East Coast. Somehow I found myself on a last-minute trip to help provide relief where it was needed most. A van full of students from App State drove all day Wednesday to a small community called Far Rockaway to help residents in low-income communities with reconstruction efforts. In the overall scheme of recovery, a van full of students armed with gloves and hammers couldn't accomplish much in three days, but given one or two houses to help out with we were able to accomplish a great deal.
   Lots of great memories were made on that trip–some happy and some heart-wrenchingly sad. But among the others one memory stood out–the memory I have of sitting alone in the cold that Thursday night. It stands out to me because I took the time to reflect on the ways I have been blessed in my life. I have a warm home to spend cold nights in, a roof that doesn't leak, and walls that are not moldy. I have a family who loves me, and friends I can turn to when things get tough.
   On that cold Thanksgiving night, surrounded by people who didn't have much, I realized just how much I had to be thankful for. No matter how tough school gets, or how much I worry about what I'll be doing next year after graduation, at least I was given the chance to go to school. What I am trying to say is–as frustrating as it can be, my life is so remarkably blessed. I get upset when one or two things go wrong, but there are other blessings that I often take for granted because they worked out so perfectly. This week I am working on being more thankful, and I continue to mentally revisit that cold night in Queens when I realized how much I really have been given.

The iGeneration.

I wrote out a long essay on technology a few days ago. I picked it up again today and decided to start from scratch, because the whole thing was really just an overzealous manifesto railing on everyone born in the early 90's, and I figured that wasn't the best kind of blog post to make. I am no better or worse than anyone else in my generation where this topic is concerned. In all honesty, this post is partially an observation and partially a way for me to obtain useful, practical advice by crowd–sourcing (that last term just lost a few of you-I know and I am sorry).
I often wonder how previous generations were viewed in their early 20's. What kind of messages did their older, wiser mentors give them, and how did that work out? Have the messages changed over the years, or just the context? Is rock and roll still just for satan-worshippers, or has that belief faded a bit? Sometimes I feel like half of the older adults I know view mine as a generation's worth of potential wasted staring at screens. Maybe they are on to something. Then again, maybe not.
My generation has been named the millennial generation, but I jokingly refer to it as the "iGeneration." We are characterized by 4G data plans that cater to even the most insatiable among us and phones with more computing power than the spacecraft that put mankind on the moon. Between selfies and snapchat, skype and social media, somewhere along the way we forgot a lot of the things that makes us who we are.
What I mean by this is that social media and technology allow us to filter our lives in a way that is detrimental to our interpersonal relationships. I only post happy things on my Facebook/Twitter/Instagram. If I think of a witty joke or a relatable experience I upload it and then measure the success of each post by the number of likes that it gets or by who comments on it. I don't share sad experiences online. Nobody wants to log into Twitter to see my sad tweets about how my life is hard and I am so busy and, and, and... We leave behind parts of who we are when we enter a virtual network. I run my own PR, deciding what my internet friends get to see and what I choose to leave out.  The people who do post sad, dramatic or otherwise melancholy material to Facebook garner little attention from those around them. Why on earth would I post something that isn't going to make me look good? That would be ridiculous. No matter what I say, I am sure that the efficacy of this blog post will be measured by the amount of buzz it generates. I want to change that.

I've made an effort recently to take a step back from the screen. Facebook isn't on my phone, so that is a start. I always try to keep in mind some practical strategy for being productive. The question lately has been "What is the most effective use of my time at present?" Sometimes the answer is homework. Or sleeping. Or reading a book. Rarely is the answer checking Facebook. Again.
So what is it about the current atmosphere that prevents people from connecting with either other? This is a complex issue, but I think a part of it can be simplified quite easily. I want to offer a very simple explanation, but feel free to disagree with me if you want. I think that nobody wants messed up friends. The problem is that until 5 years ago, you really didn't have a choice. Your friends were just as messed up as you were, and you got to be closer by dealing with things together. Whether it was a break-up or a lost job, etc, your friends were there for you. In person, dealing with the same crap that you were dealing with. In fact, the show 'Friends' was just that–a group of young people going through life together, struggling through everything that young people had to deal with in the 90's. Today it is just as easy (if not easier) to get online and see only the well-manicured snapshots your friends want you to see.
I am terrible at this. I really am. I'm the guy who blogs about his problems with technology–if that isn't ironic then I don't know what is. I want to do better and be better. I want to use technology to its fullest potential without losing an ounce of mine in the process. I know this issue is far more complex than I made it out to be, and I apologize, but I had to say something about this. If you disagree with what I've written or want to add something feel free to let me know–I'd love to sit down over coffee with you.